I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
