He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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