WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
