I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
