It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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