Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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