If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
