This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
