i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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