Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
