If i come over, it means nothing
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
