It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
