I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
