I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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