Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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