I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I could make wine with my vomit
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
