WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
