Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
