Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
