Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
