Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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