my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
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