i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
