Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
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