People in love make me want to vomit
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
this hospital has no fireball
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
