Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
