Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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