he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
