Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
