There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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