It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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