Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
