I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
