can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
