Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
