Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Actions speak louder than pants.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
