Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I got inside last night via doggy door
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
PANTIES FOUND
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