When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
