its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
