i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
