are you still at the devil's house?
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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