I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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