I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
