yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
