wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
