i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
