also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
