I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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