he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
