help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
