Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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