So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
