Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
