based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
