Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
